The Whole 9 Yards

My precious pug, my dream dog, and my little angel on earth. Today, I found out that he has severe arthritis due to genetic hip dysplasia. I don’t think he knows though, because he’s really active and trying to run around and play with his brother Peanut.

Popoy is very special to me because I got him when I was 18. I was so depressed about migrating from the Philippines, that my mom got me my dream dog.

I’ll never forget that moment on October 15, 2016, my Mom and I were out in the parking lot of Petsmart, where a lady who I found on the internet had two little pugs in the back of her car. That’s when I first laid my eyes on him. I knew he was mine. My Popoy. And that was the start of our lives together.

I stayed here for a year until I had to go back home to finish my studies. I was in the Philippines for four more years. I only got to see him once, those years I lived away. Until I moved back here for good in 2021. It’s crazy that in all those years, he never forgot who I was. He always knew that I was his person. He welcomed me like no time passed. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a loyal pug like Popoy. He truly is my angel.

The vet told me this morning, that there was no healing his hip dysplasia, and that he would eventually need surgery. I know that no one lives forever, but I was always in denial of how fragile Popoy is. I honestly been noticing his aging but I couldn’t accept it.

I’ll honestly do anything to keep him safe and healthy. I would pay anything to take away the pain and for him to be 100% better. I honestly cannot imagine my life without Popoy.

I’m writing all of this down because it’s really hard on me to see him struggling. What hurts is it’s like he doesn’t even know that he’s injured because he’s still trying to walk, run, and jump like normal. It breaks my heart to see him fall whenever he tries to jump, because he always jumps on the couch or chair next to me.

He literally just follows me everywhere. He waits for me outside my bedroom door in the morning, he waits outside the bathroom door, and sometimes I find it annoying that he cries when I leave his sight, but now I just want him close to me all the time so I can keep an eye on my baby.

For the next two weeks he should just be resting. I’ll put him in a stroller as soon as we find one that fits his needs. Then I’ll be bringing him to the vet again to check his progress, and if he’s still limping by then we’ll be talking about the next steps.

As for now, I’ll be taking good care of him.

Are the words of my dad when he first found out I was pregnant. I had my older brother break the news to him, because I was too scared to tell him myself. At that time, my mental health was deteriorating. I would consider those days the darkest times of my life. Yet it was in those days that I found my light.

One of the things I learned about myself was that it was incredibly easy for me to fight for what I love and to stand by my principles. Now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. How could I not be, when I’m carrying my first child! Pregnancy is hard but it’s beautiful. Just the thought of my daughter growing inside me, brings me so much joy.

Indeed, such is life.

It has been four months from then and now, yet I feel like a completely different person. Things that mattered so much to me before seems almost irrelevant now. My whole perspective changed and my focus shifted. As I discover new things about myself, and prepare for the bigger changes in my life, I would like to keep track of my thoughts, experiences, and feelings throughout the process. Hence, this new blog.

My old blog is my tumblr page that I’ve kept running since the fifth grade. I literally wrote everything on there. I wrote about my first crush, my first love, my first heartbreak, graduating college, moving to the states, and the little things in between. I love how that page holds so much memories, and so many different versions of me from 2009 to 2022.

I believe a whole new me deserves a whole new platform. I’ve always loved to write. I love the art and I love the calmness it brings me. In this blog, I will write about anything under the sun. Good days, bad days, books, movies, songs, life experiences, my world views, relationships, pregnancy, womanhood, fitness, art, dreams, goals, etc. I’ll just figure things out as I go. My intention is to learn, to express, to document, and like my old blog, to have something to look back to ten years from now.

I would also like to help people. If this blog ever reaches someone that relates to me, then great! I would love to connect and learn from you. In that scenario, I would have already given back to the online space that has given me so much comfort in my darkest times. I know how it’s like to feel alone and to find comfort in words of a stranger. Hopefully I’ll be that stranger to someone one day too.