The Whole 9 Yards

Finally closed another chapter in my life… we’ve officially moved out of our home in Southern California! Let’s all take a collective sigh of relief….Thank you God, Universe, Angels. If I had to ride a truck for seven hours again. I don’t know.

I can’t even describe the anxiety I was feeling when we were driving down grapevine road right outside LA. The first time we did it was even worse because we were driving a 15” truck and while towing our 2013 highlander with our dogs in it. If I had pearls, consider them clutched!

I thought I would be used to relocating by now, after moving to America from the Philippines when I was 23. Yet, a familiar heaviness dawned upon me when I took one last look at the place I used to call home.

I got approved for that townhouse during a very difficult period in my life. God knows how much I had to endure and sacrifice during those times. I take pride in being able to secure that place for my family. That home was always meant to be a temporary space. A place to rest in times of uncertainty, and those were times of great uncertainty.

On August 1, 2024, we moved into this newly built town home in Chino Hills. It was beautiful. High ceilings, big windows, hard wood floors, beautiful views of a suburban neighborhood. When you enter you the house you’ll immediately be met with a stair case that leads to the living area – open layout of the kitchen, dining, and living room. Three big windows with the view of the community and the park. I loved the natural light. I had a black-and white wall of art on one side of the wall then art of brown and gold. When you walk to the second set of stairs you’ll see my daughter’s first ever painting framed in gray. On the floor above were three bedrooms and two full bathrooms. The space was nice, but my personal favorite part of living there was being able to see the sunrise on one side of the house and seeing the sunset on the other.

Our time in that home was beautiful. My daughter took her first steps in her play room. She painted her first painting in the living room. She fell in love with bubble baths in our master bathroom. There were good days, great days, bad days, days for home-cooked meals, days for take-out, days when we would get up and go to Disneyland on a whim, days we would stay in and binge watch Mark Weins.

I also loved our location. We were a couple of minutes away from LA and OC. Two hours from San Diego. Four hours from Vegas. Ten minutes from Costco. Five minutes from target. Five minutes from the Asian market. Oh and I especially loved how there was a farmer’s market on weekdays.

BUT – the living arrangement we had wasn’t sustainable. It felt as though I carried the majority of the responsibility. My boyfriend took a job seven hours away from home and he had to drive out every other week. Leaving me alone and stuck at home for seven to ten days at a time. I was also working remote, while taking care of our daughter, our sons (dogs), the house, etc.

There were many moments where I thought to myself – damn, I’m a full grown adult. I got to do this myself. Broken furniture and fixtures, were okay but I hated having to deal with rats. I missed my dad during those times, not because I wish he dealt with them for me (ok, maybe a little) but I know he wouldn’t let me deal with the guy stuff. I’m very thankful for all the lessons my parents instilled in me growing up, they come in handy in times that I’m all alone. Sometimes you just gotta roll your sleeves up and take the trash out *wink*.

Honestly, it was also hard because I felt guilty each time I caught one. They’re so cute and my daughter loves ratatouille. But, at the same time, they were going through our pantry, pots and, pans. It was hazardous to our health to keep them around. One time I caught a little one with a sticky trap and the little guy was still moving, I tried to help him out by pouring some oil to make it slippery for him, but I think I just expedited his demise 😦

Although I was almost always alone, I barely had time to myself. The most me-time I would get is an hour or two before bed at night, if I was lucky enough my daughter would sleep early. I cherished each unhurried bath or unbothered down time I had. It was during our time in that home that I became even more protective of my own energy, time, and space.

That entire chapter was exactly what I needed. I needed my solitude to process the past few years of my life, from pregnancy to present. I had to reassess and reevaluate the who, what, when, where, whys and hows. And now well,

“It rained in my head for months, but now look at all the flowers.”

That home was my cocoon. It was the place that kept us safe while transformations were ongoing. In metamorphosis of a butterfly, caterpillars are unaware of their impending transformation. They have no idea that in just a matter of days, they will grow wings and be able to fly, gaining a newer, higher perspective on life. Likewise..