The Whole 9 Yards

It is 1:55 PM, Manila time. I am alone in the living room. Everybody’s home. Jared and Amelia are in our room winding down for nap time. Kuya and Merey are in their room. Anton is in his. Before taking a seat, I hovered over my journal. Should I keep these thoughts to myself? I opened my laptop and here I am. Typing away. Perhaps these are thoughts worth sharing.

I haven’t had much down time since I arrived in Manila. This is my first trip home since becoming a mother. To be honest, I was quite nervous to see my friends again. So much has changed since I last saw them. In the States, my life revolves around my family, work, and my goals. I am on mommy mode 100% of the time.

The last time I was here, all my time and attention went to my friends. I was flexible. My time was my own. I could do whatever I want, when I want. We partied, drank, stayed up late. Obviously now, I can’t do any of those things without thinking of Amelia first. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with them. They’ve never seen me as a mom… will they still like me this way?

Right when we pulled up to our house I knew they were there. The lights were off in the living room, and it was quiet. I opened the front door and there they were. My best friends. I was so happy yet felt a little shy. Then my my daughter immediately cried at the sound of our laughter and the site of unfamiliar faces. At that moment, my two worlds collided, and I realized that Mia has never seen me this way before either. My time and attention divided… and I thought, will she still like me this way?

In my room back at home in the US, I wrote a note to myself that goes, “Do not worry.” I was right. There was nothing to worry about, because my friends were so warm and welcoming.. as they always were. They all loved Mia that they even had an instagram page ready for all the photos that they will take of her while we’re here in the Philippines. Amelia opened up to my friends so quickly and lovingly. I’m so proud of my little girl.

As for my friends and I, it’s as if no time has passed. Nothing’s changed but somehow this time everything felt magnified. Our friendship, love, and loyalty to each other. I couldn’t ask for a better set of forever people.

All these questions I stressed over before coming home, when the only question worth asking was – How did I get so lucky?

4/30/2024