The Whole 9 Yards

“One day we won’t have to say goodbye anymore,” I remember thinking to myself everytime we dropped my mom off at the airport. My heart broke a little each time she left. My mom moved to America when I was in fifth grade, and would come back every few years to visit my brothers and I. I was 11 years old back then. I only saw her a handful of times after that point. Amazingly though, even from thousands of miles away, I always felt so close to her. Our bond remained through the years. It’s like she never left. My mom’s magic.

So, from my tween years through my teenage years up until my early adult years, I was raised by my dad. Can you imagine the amount and variety of phases a girl goes through in that time frame? The boys’ phase, the bitch phase, the party girl phase, the “I hate everyone” phase, the “what-the-heck do I do with myself in this lockdown” phase, etc. Sometimes I would even go through multiple phases simultaneously. Haha! A lot of big days happened in those years too, such as prom, high school graduation, my debut, first day of college, college graduation, first job, etc. Preparing for prom with just my dad was funny, it’s like he didn’t know what to do in terms of the girly stuff but he did the best he could. He was there for everything. Thanks, dad.

My dad flew here from the Philippines to meet his granddaughter. It was heartwarming to see how much he loved Amelia. This trip was much needed for many reasons. I’m so grateful that we had the means and the opportunity to spend so much time together. He did everything he could to help us out. He cleaned our home, did our laundry, folded our clothes, scrubbed the floors, washed the dishes, cooked for us, watched Amelia… everything. He helped where he could, like he always did growing up. Again, thanks, dad.

Personally, this trip was very meaningful because I feel like my dad and I got our closure. When I left home for good in 2021, he and I weren’t in the best place. A few weeks before leaving the Philippines, I let out a lifetime’s worth of pent up pain and anger. Unfortunately, my honest expression caused a strain on our relationship. He never said it, but I know I hurt him. It was never my intention to hurt my dad but deep down I knew that it was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t be able to move forward and be at the mental and emotional space I am today, if I carried such pain around in in my heart.

We shared an honest moment recently. I told him how happy I was to have him here because we weren’t okay when I left home and I felt like we were healing. Then he hugged me and said that we were never gonna be “not okay”. That was a good moment.

When we dropped him off at the airport the other day, my heart broke a little. And I found myself thinking, “I hope one day we won’t have to say goodbye anymore.”